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Not all step parents are evil

I've been searching the blogosphere for any and all personal experiences on step families.

SOOOOOO many on the 'evil step mum' but nothing on the 'try hard step dad'.

So i thought id throw my penny into the pot.

Being a single mum is hard. There is no support system there to hold you at night when your crying into the pillow cause your not gonna make the rent without sacrificing something else ... like food for yourself.

Ive done it all. Ive lived on the bread line where i literally went all day with nothing to eat just so Agent M had food to having a disposable income *remember those during the pre kid days* and i could take us out for wee "adventures" (Like a weekend in Edinburgh to go to the zoo and see the sights). I've struggled and pulled through without having a man in my life so I was used to it.

Agent M has always got what he needed because i done my damn hardest to provide for him. His biological dad is non existent in his life since we split *which didn't come without its own host of problems* so for a long time it was mama busting her ass to make it work so that Agent M didn't go without.

Enter Agent D.

He knew i was a mama. It was cards on the table from the get go. I'm a package deal but he is NOT baggage. He's my mini man and always will be my number one.
*I know that sounds harsh but I've seen the way some guys act to the girlfriends kids and i was hell bent that Agent M will NEVER think hes being replaced*

They took to each other instantly! Agent M thought it was great that he had someone who could talk to him about Pokemon *cause mama just doesn't get it* and build Lego with. He loved "having a boy" around cause he never really got to do the bonding thing with a guy. He was always around me or my female friends.

I saw right away how much he was craving the whole "guy thing". They would sit and look at cars or talk about how engines worked at the dinner table.

Even Agent D's dad takes a keen interest in Agent M. He has plants that he let M grow from seed in his glasshouse. He teaches him about the benefits different foods have and gives him books on the universe and how things work *cause Agent M loves that kinda thing*.
I didn't realise how much Agent M was missing out on. His biological dad and his family never really took an interest in him so he only had me and mine. But Agent D and his family have accepted us as we are and like we belong.

Its so weird to belong.

My previous relationship was very destructive and to be fair on Agent D, he was coming into a very damaged home. We had been through the ringer which i know hasn't made it easy for D. If anything, its made it worse.

That's what makes him all the more special in my eyes.

He treats Agent M like he is his own. He checks the homework and makes him meals. He gives the kisses and cuddles at night and when he phones or txts, he asks about M.

Its strange having someone there that i can actually depend on. It took me a few months to realise that i could depend on him. I could install a gate in that massive wall i put up and let him in. I could cry in front of him (something I've never been able to do before). I could confess to him when i felt like i was messing up as a mum and he would calmly talk me down explaining why i was over reaching. And never underestimate the power of a cuddle! He walks in and i get a cuddle. Agent M used to race me to the door to get a cuddle first :)

We have had our rough patches, I'll grant you. Its hard when your child is acting up and you have to try to reassure your partner that its not because of him. He doesn't see the crap i get sometimes cause hes not here. But he still has that little niggle thinking its his fault.

Kids are hard. Even as Agent M's mama, i sometimes have to walk into another room cause he frustrates the holy hell outta me. Kids act up. They all do! They all have phases where they just do what they want and it would be more useful talking to the blooming hoover.

But Agent D is still here (all be it frustrated to an inch of his life right now). He may say he's "giving up" ... but he never does.

He chose to take us on and to join our family.

Guess that makes him as crazy as us :)

My boys