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Gratitude List #10

I've been rather absent from the blogosphere recently which to be honest has upset me a little. I have a diary full of ideas, recipes and crafty makes that i had planned to do but i never got round to it.

Why?

Well I've been having a dark couple of weeks.

It's been really difficult to motivate myself to get outta bed let alone to do much else and the fact that i made it into college this last week has been a miracle.

Depression is like that though. You could be going along quite happily then something can happen and then all of a sudden your just miserable for days on end.

Maybe that's just a fault in my chemistry that something so trivial can make me feel so worthless. Everything from then on in just doesn't seem to go right and it snowballs.

But when life knocks you on your ass you gotta get back up, brush yourself off and keep on going.

It may take me a few days but I'm done with feeling like this ... I gotta try whatever i can to get back into the swing of things so I'm gonna keep going with the Gratitude list ... Always look on the bright side and all that.

This week I'm grateful for ...
  • My Son ... He gives me a reason to keep going when i could care less about anything else. He has this way about him that makes you cant help but smile and he gives the best kisses and cuddles EVER. He always knows when mama could just a wee cuddle. He's my everything!
Rocking the Harry Potter look for World Book Day

  • My wee Sister ... An hour long phone call with her made me feel like "normal". Being able to tell someone that i feel like a fuck up without getting "oh don't be stupid" made me feel like my feelings were valid. And got love her she dove straight in to tell me how amazing a job i was doing with Agent M which made me feel a bit better.
  • My Granny ... We meet up on a weekly basis for a cuppa tea, a bit of shopping and a wee chat. Even though i would have been quite happy to wallow in by bed for the day while Agent M was at school, Knowing i didn't wanna let her down made me force myself to go into town and meet her which was the best thing i coulda done cause shes just such a gem. You cant help but be happy around Granny.
Granny and Dad on her 80th Birthday

  • The folk at college ... They don't realise just how much I've enjoyed the course cause of them. Its like a little family we have at college. We all look after each other and make sure everyone is doing OK. Yeah you have some heated arguments at times but they are all so lovely that i enjoy spending time with them. I really hope that we are all in the same class again next year cause it'll be weird to get split up. Even the lecturers are brilliant. Can be guaranteed to have a good wee giggle at college. Felt quite pretty this week getting my hair done too :)

And beyond everything I'm grateful that i had the option to actually get up and live my life. 

I'm very aware with the amount of family members that have passed or got seriously ill recently that i am beyond lucky that i do wake up every morning, and that i do so in a warm safe house. I can have off days like everyone else does but to just allow myself to stay low and teary without at least trying to make each day a little better isn't fair on my boys. 

I'm not for any second wanting anyone else who suffers from depression to feel like I'm having a go or making out that you can shake yourself out of it. That's not possible and to think so is just unrealistic.

I'm just taking the tough love approach to myself and forcing myself not to all it to get any worse. Taking it a day at a time and hoping to get back on an even (all be it wobbly) keel.