Gratitude #21 - Mea Culpa


It's been a strange couple of weeks.

I don't know why but I'm not my usual chirpy self at the moment. I've been really run down this last wee while and as a result I've not really had a chance to blog much.

The last 2 weeks have been a mad rush of appointments, obligations, assessments, arguments, activities and a fair bit of stress.

Whoever said that depression is a metal illness clearly forgot to mention all the physical effects too. Being so stressed out has left me feeling tired all the time. Some nights I've been going to bed when Agent M does at 7pm and still being knackered when i get up the following morning at 6.15am. Others I'm tossing and turning all night frustrated that my mind wont just shut the f*ck up. Coupled with the headaches and feeling teary/irritated all the time, I'm not alot of fun to be around at the moment.

It was difficult at first to keep looking on the positive side but this last week I've noticed I'm trying that little bit harder. Not having to fake that smile quite as hard. Not having to pretend that I'm OK as much.

The last 3 days have been better in that i haven't felt like a total screw up. I have been able to have a giggle and enjoy my own company a little more. Here's hoping that the good days keep mounting up and i slip back into my chirpy little self.

This week I've been grateful for ...

  • Agent M - My smiley wee boy picked up in a heart beat that mama wasn't quite right though he couldn't put his finger on what exactly. He's not daft that kid. I think that's why he's been trying to help out with things. Clearing the table and walking the dog etc. He's been asking if he can do more which i seriously appreciate. His parents night was this week too and I'm pleased that he's doing well. The bulling has stopped and he's alot more content now. He's a clever wee dude! I'm so unbelievably proud of him :)
  • Agent D - He's been noticing my slump too. In fact he's the only one I've felt comfortable to break down in front of. God love him its not the easiest thing in the world loving someone who just retreats into herself buy bless him, he's doing it. He received a special award from his apprenticeship this week so we went along to the park hotel for the prize giving. I was so proud watching him up on that stage (and i managed not to have a panic attack at being is such a crowded room ... bonus!)
  • I've passed my last assessment - I have officially completed my course and my paperwork. All i have left to do for Level 5 is wait for my certificate and put it on the wall :) I am so relieved that i have finished everything as now my place next year is secure. I still have to go in on my college days so I'm using them to keep my skills fresh. A colour here and a cut there ... It makes the day go in quicker and i love seeing the clients really happy with their hair afterwards. I'm really looking forward to next year now. The crazy colours and the avant garde hairstyles. Its gonna be amazing!
I'm trying to keep my positive head on and i am genuinely sorry to all you peoples who have felt like i have dropped off the face of the earth. I appreciate the private messages i received from 2 of you asking if i was OK. 

In truth i am OK. I've just had a wee stumble but I'm brushing myself off as we speak :)

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