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#31Days Challenge - Day 1

Today is the 1st of July and the beginning of my #31Days Blogging Challenge.

Below you can find the full list if you want to join in. I found it via Pinterest and the original poster was Emma over on OutMUMbered. You can find the original post HERE

The Prompt for today is "Introduction and Recent Photo"

Well what's more recent than today? :)

As for the Intro ... Well you guys kinda know me by now. So rather than give you an introduction to myself, i thought i would give you an intro as to why I'm doing the challenge and what i hope to achieve from it.

From about May forward i noticed that my moods had been really low. Normally this is something that i would just chalk up to having a bad day and i ignored it. The bad day started to turn to days, then weeks and before i knew it i was in a full blown winter. 

I know what your thinking ... "Winter in May?" ... When i say 'Winter', I'm not meaning the season. 

I'm talking about the dark times i have on occasion due to having depression. Winter is what i prefer to call it after watching/reading Game of Thrones. It just fits. You never know how long it will last and its a shitty time when the white walkers (depression/anxiety/panic attacks) rear their ugly heads. It sounds nicer than having a "dark period".

Depression is never fun and alot of people (many of whom have never experienced the real nitty gritty shitty parts) think you can just shake yourself out of it. The number of people that I've had tell me to just "cheer up" or the fun "have you tried not to be sad" ... Seriously, it makes me cringe. Its also like telling someone with a broken leg to walk it off. And about as much use in that it makes you feel deflated. *If i could "just not be sad" i would in a heart beat. Trust me!* No, Unfortunately i have depression and i cant just shake that shit off.

When winter comes, the only thing i can do is try and ride it out. I forced myself to get out of bed and keep going. I had a qualification to work towards and more importantly i had a wee boy to take care of. One up side to having had depression this long is I'm a pro at "fake it till you make it". I can plaster a smile so bright on my face and give off a cheerful demeanour so no-one can tell that inside I'm freaking the hell out. This is my battle so i don't see the point in letting my misery rub off on others. Its only the people that really know me that can tell when I'm down. No-one can keep walls up forever, no matter how hard you try.

I struggled a little to be honest and unfortunately my blog, along with some other hobbies i love kinda fell by the wayside as i kept trundling forward. I had to keep my focus on Agent M and College so everything else just had to wait.

I am glad to say however that the winter is starting to ease off.

I've noticed that its not as hard to get out of my bed in the morning and likewise its not a battle to fall asleep at night. I can enjoy a half hour on my kindle or my laptop without getting irritated. I have been venturing out more by myself and not feeling overwhelmed by the crowds of people. I can focus my attention on more than one thing again and its making me smile more as i am feeling less like an epic screw up. 

So I've decided to gradually bring back the things that make me "ME".

The things i love. No matter how trivial they may seem, if they make me happy then so be it. One of which is blogging. I love my wee blog and i have so many hopes for it as it grows. I want to nurture it and let it become something i can be proud of. Do do that, i have to get back into the swing of writing posts ... Which is where the challenge comes into it.

Every day for the month of July i will be following the prompts above to get back into my blogging niche. Some of the posts (like this one) will be long, some will be small (perhaps even just an image). But they will be helping me get that one step closer to my old genuinely chipper self.

Welcome ... and thanks for stopping by :)

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Super Busy Mum