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Its ok not to do it all

I’ve been kinda not well this last week and I feel like it’s been self-inflicted.

I’ve been in go go go mode pretty much since just before Christmas and I’ve not really had the chance to unwind. And it’s because I’ve not gave myself the chance. I have been working on the store, I’ve been trying to get the house into some kind of organised state, I’ve been trying to create blog posts (though not actually having the chance to type them up, trying to spend time with the Agents and at some point in this trying to have some me time - All while in a mental health slump.

Today I decided to stop.

I let myself have a small breakdown - almost like a reset and after which I looked at everything I was trying to do. I was juggling too much and it was making me stressed and tired. I’ve been randomly throwing up for no reason too, which I’m starting to think might be stress related.

It all got too much.

So as of today I am going to give myself a break. I don’t need to stay up till 1am folding washing - Its ok that I get it in the morning. Its ok that I didn’t get round to washing the dinner dishes tonight, cause I can get the plates washed in the morning - I’m allowed to go soak in the tub and read a chapter of my book. Does it matter that I didn’t get a chance to hoover today? It’s not putting the Agents or myself in danger … and neither of the Agents have even noticed that I didn’t hoover so really, being annoyed about it is really silly.

I’m going to allow myself to breathe. I’m not perfect and to be honest I never want to be, that’s too much pressure but from now on I’m going to give myself work hours and if I don’t manage everything then that’s ok … the world will not end and I can always get it tomorrow.