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50 Questions - Part One

Answered August 16th 2020

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

I’d say that I would think I was in my 30’s but perhaps think I was closer to 35/36 rather than my actual age which is right now 32.

Which is worse, failing or never trying?
Never trying. At least if you fail you gave it a shot but on your death bed, I imagine you would feel worse about the things you didn’t try than the ones you did but failed.

If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
I think we are conditioned to follow the crowed. We are born, we grow up, we work, we keep our noses clean and we die. Its like a blue print for life. I also think that we as a species seem to care too much what others think so if we don’t follow the script then we feel guilty, or are made to feel guilty by our peers. Its sad though cause at the end of the day our life is for living. You only get one and the people who are living right are the ones who priories their happiness over conformity. Those are the people I envy.

When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
Unfortunately yes. My road is paved in good intentions but the ability to follow through is highly dependant on my mental health. That could be why I keep my aspirations low, which is kinda sucky but at least I have a better chance of achieving my goals if I fly low to the ground. I doubt I’ll ever be one of the lucky few who reach the stars, but that’s ok.

What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
The hatred. The amount of people who hate for no reason is astounding. Like yeah ok, this wee guy set fire to your hair on school photo day then by all means, hate them for the rest of your life. They deserve it. But hating a complete stranger because they are sexually attracted to the same sex, because the god they believe in is different from yours, or because the colour of their skin – That’s actually insane. They didn’t do anything to you, but you hate them instinctively? Nah that’s weird, and not the good kinda weird. To me, those people are the biggest problem with the world and its only getting worse.

If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Something in creative. I’m the happiest when I’m making something. It could be drawing, painting, creating digital work, sewing, baking – it doesn’t matter. Making something from nothing makes me feel like I’m contributing to the beauty in the world and it makes my soul feel content.

Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
I think a bit of both. Its only recently that I have almost been forced to reassess what makes me happy and focus on that rather than settle for second best. There are still parts of my life that I settle for out of habit or necessity but there are also parts where I will hold onto my convictions and won’t compromise on my beliefs anymore.

If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
I wouldn’t have stayed in my two longest relationships as long as I did. I kept holding on hope that they would change back to their kind ways, not realising that I too had changed – but into a proverbial doormat. If I had a definite clock on life, then I wouldn’t have wasted my time on then. I would have taken my kid and ran.

To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
Very little – I have kind of just went with the wave up until now but I am rectifying it.

Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
I guess if its about worry then doing things right worries me more. I don’t go out of my way to do bad things so instinctively I do the right things. But I do worry that I will miss things up and make my life more difficult or negatively impact a loved ones life.