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Mentally ch(ill)ed - Rock Bottom

Its been a while.

But here i am. Down at rock bottom. Scrambling around in the dirt just trying to dust myself off.

For a period of time i actually fooled myself into thinking i was getting better. Like the darkness had all but lifted and the demons had gone back into hibernation.

And to a certain extent they did.

I was happy god damn it!

My life had improved and i was actually making plans like i didn't have a care in the world. Then life decided i had got to big for my breeches and needed to not only knock me off my happy little pedestal but curb stomp me while i was down.

I wish i could just vent and talk about everything, just to get it off my chest, but the downside to everything happening is that its so hurtful and personal to not just me, that it would be unfair to make it all public. Its such a weird time too that I'm not even sure where i could begin, let alone if i should.

So instead I'm trying to hold onto things that are for me. Things i can focus on while i try to recover. Between severe anxiety and my depression, my brain is working overtime and I'm just trying to hold onto some form of sanity - trying to get my mind to just chill.

My blog was my baby. It was what i liked to do. So I'm going to try and get back into it. I'm not sure if it will work. I'm not sure how well it will turn out but honestly, i need to try something.