Please stop justifying it

*Please note this post discusses Domestic Violence and my be a trigger to some*

This post is gonna be a little bit ranty so I apologise in advance but i feel it needs to be said.

Last night I was watching a programme with Agent D and in the the little girl was being picked on by a boy at school. The mum, a character portrayed as an independent police detective, gave her advice that actually made me feel sick to my stomach. "Him picking on you means he likes you".

I got angry and scared all at once as it brought back memories of a precious violent relationship I was in and how that pathetic excuse might end up leading that little girl into a similar relationship.

Yes I know that it's "just a TV show" but domestic violence isn't fiction. It's fact. And teaching kids that someone picking on you means they like you is a dangerous seed to plant. Yeah they may like them.
I'm sure my ex loved me when he was attacking me but it doesn't make it right. It is almost like you are justifying the violence. 'Oh its OK that he pulled your hair, it means he likes you'.

Where does that end?

'Oh it's OK that he gave you a black eye, that means he likes you'. 
'Oh it's OK that he cracked a rib, it means he likes you'. 
'Oh it's OK that he stabbed you, that means he really likes you'. 


What a load of w*nk.

A person who likes/loves you would never lift their hand (or foot) to you. A person who wants to spend the rest of their life with you should want to make your life as amazing as it can be, not make you feel so horrible about yourself that you want to die. Or make you feel like one day you will die at their hands.

Please, as someone who has lived it, don't tell your kids that being bullied means the person likes you. Wither it's true or not is irrelevant.

Teach your kids that their safety trumps the other person's need to dominate and control. Flowers and kisses are ways to show affection, Not black eyes and tears.

Teach them that no one has the right to make them feel less than or make them feel unsafe. Kind words and praise trump slagging someone off to break their confidence.

So many people are victims of domestic violence and have no way of getting out. So many people feel embarrassed or ashamed to admit that they need help and stupid comments like that definitely don't help!

Teach them that the victim is not to blame.
Teach them that bulling (male or female is wrong).
Teach them that they and their feelings matter.



Please.

Need Help?
-Women & Childrens Refuge
- Victim Support Scotland
- Mens Advice Line
- National Center for Domestic Abuse


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4 comments

  1. This is an excellent post, thank you for talking about your experiences to raise awareness for a very normalized topic. These discussions need to happen, however in future it would be really helpful at the start to include content notes/warnings when discussing violence or domestic abuse, especially as survivors of these not uncommonly suffer from PTSD or symptoms of. Content notes/trigger warnings allow fellow survivors to mentally prepare themselves for reading about this topic in detail, or to steer clear until they are in a more stable mindset. All in all, I loved this post.

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    Replies
    1. Hi thanks for your advice. I never though on that before. I have now added a note to the top of the page as i really don't want to upset anyone having been through a similar situation. Thanks xxx

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  2. I've never thought about it in this way before. I remember the idea that a boy pulling your plaits at junior school meant he must like you because that's what inarticulate little boys do to get girls' attention but to be fair, it's not really a great idea to perpetuate the idea that that's what it means and that makes it OK. I can totally see where you're coming from and I think our attitudes to stuff like this as a society needs to change. Thanks so much for linking up to this week's #thetruthabout

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  3. What an awful sentiment to portray, even if it was juts a TV drama. My kids are taught to respect other people's bodies and wishes, regardless of gender. Can I also say you have written this very skilfully. Female on male domestic violence is a very real and under-reported issue. Keeping itgender neutral as you have shows this is an issue for men and women. Very well written/ #TruthAbout

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