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Please stop justifying it

*Please note this post discusses Domestic Violence and my be a trigger to some*

This post is gonna be a little bit ranty so I apologise in advance but i feel it needs to be said.

Last night I was watching a programme with Agent D and in the the little girl was being picked on by a boy at school. The mum, a character portrayed as an independent police detective, gave her advice that actually made me feel sick to my stomach. "Him picking on you means he likes you".

I got angry and scared all at once as it brought back memories of a precious violent relationship I was in and how that pathetic excuse might end up leading that little girl into a similar relationship.

Yes I know that it's "just a TV show" but domestic violence isn't fiction. It's fact. And teaching kids that someone picking on you means they like you is a dangerous seed to plant. Yeah they may like them.
I'm sure my ex loved me when he was attacking me but it doesn't make it right. It is almost like you are justifying the violence. 'Oh its OK that he pulled your hair, it means he likes you'.

Where does that end?

'Oh it's OK that he gave you a black eye, that means he likes you'. 
'Oh it's OK that he cracked a rib, it means he likes you'. 
'Oh it's OK that he stabbed you, that means he really likes you'. 

What a load of w*nk.

A person who likes/loves you would never lift their hand (or foot) to you. A person who wants to spend the rest of their life with you should want to make your life as amazing as it can be, not make you feel so horrible about yourself that you want to die. Or make you feel like one day you will die at their hands.

Please, as someone who has lived it, don't tell your kids that being bullied means the person likes you. Wither it's true or not is irrelevant.

Teach your kids that their safety trumps the other person's need to dominate and control. Flowers and kisses are ways to show affection, Not black eyes and tears.

Teach them that no one has the right to make them feel less than or make them feel unsafe. Kind words and praise trump slagging someone off to break their confidence.

So many people are victims of domestic violence and have no way of getting out. So many people feel embarrassed or ashamed to admit that they need help and stupid comments like that definitely don't help!

Teach them that the victim is not to blame.
Teach them that bulling (male or female is wrong).
Teach them that they and their feelings matter.


Need Help?
-Women & Childrens Refuge
- Victim Support Scotland
- Mens Advice Line
- National Center for Domestic Abuse

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