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Let me preface this post with a trigger warning. I would hate to think that in trying to come to terms with my feelings, i inadvertently hurt someone else.

I feel conflicted today.

Today marks a hard anniversary for me and I'm struggling with how i should feel about it.

Twelve years ago i lost what would have been my second pregnancy. I felt different about it from the very start. Probably because i had already been through a miscarriage so i kind of accepted it had happened easier. Or perhaps it was because i wasn't going through that one alone. Whatever the reason, the second verse was different from the first.

I guess that was probably why i hated every second of my 3rd pregnancy with Agent M. Although i was happy to physically be pregnant with him and progress through the full 3 trimesters, i was a nervous wreck. To be honest I'm surprise he wasn't born pulling his hair out and biting his wee nails into stumps with all the tension and anxiety he must have sensed in there.

Luckily he was born a happy health 7lb 9oz of pure love. Even with horror movie that was his birth and the shit show that followed i would do it again a million times over for my little rainbow baby. He is my everything. My beautiful son that will forever walk this world holding a big piece of my heart.

A well needed Tuesday time out

Why must Christmas be so busy?

I've been swamped the last couple of days so not had any time to get my craft on and i totally forgot about Blogmas - Mia Culpa! I quite smugly completed the lions share of my Christmas shopping by November so today as i had to make the trip into town anyway, i thought i would get the last few bits and pieces.

Oft! I wish i had Hockey gear with me cause those people were mad! Shopping stresses me at the best of times but during Christmas season i feel like there should be referees on stilts ready to call time on the sneaky elbows and cheeky shoves out the way. People have zero patience and even less manners.

I ended up giving up half way though, figuring Amazon was probably designed for this very thing!

I did get to have a nice wee Coffee/Hot Chocolate with Agent M though which made it all worth while. I do love the time we have together and by the time we emerged from Costa the crowds had dissipated due to the rain so we didn't have to deal with everyone #Winning!

Grinch Hot Chocolate

"The Grinch hated Christmas! 
The whole Christmas season! 
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason. 
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right. 
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. 
But I think that the most likely reason of all, 
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small."

Personally i think the reason the Grinch hated Christmas could have been cause he never got to try all the festive goodies the Who's had to offer. That Who-Pudding and the rare Who-roast beast ... or perhaps even a cup of delicious hot Who-coco.

Ok so maybe i'm overstating the yummy-ness of this drink but its delightfully chocolatey and definitely hits the right spot on a cold winters day. Even Agent M agreed that perhaps it might have put a smile on the Grinch's face - or at least gave him somewhat of a sugar buzz. 

The recipe below makes 3 medium drinks or 2 large drinks depending on how much you want (or are willing to share).

You'll Need
1 pint of Whole Milk 
100g White Chocolate
Green Food Colouring
Whipped Cream (Aerosol works best)
Green sprinkles (optional) 

To Make
In a medium saucepan, heat the milk on low.

Once warmed, gradually mix in the chocolate, whisking all the time until melted.

Add in the green food colouring. You will only need a few drops (if using liquid) or a tiny amount of gel. Mix well

The milk will start to steam and its ready to serve.

Pour into the desired cups/mugs and top with the cream and sprinkles.

A glimpse at my Christmas tree

Lots of my pictures on Instagram recently have had my Christmas tree in the background, and it made me think ... maybe I should share with you all some of my decorations cause my tree is AWESOME!!

As you probably noticed I have said "a glimpse" ... cause to show you my tree in all its spectacular glory we would be here for a good wee while. I reckon honestly there must be about 80 decorations on that tree not including tinsel and lights.

So instead I'm sharing a glimpse of some of the baubles and trinkets that you might not have seen in my IG feed.

Malteser Fudge

Christmas time. It seems like its all go go and when you finally get a chance to chill out, you get some unexpected guests. Personally for me, i hate when i have a surprise visitor and i have nothing to offer with the obligatory cuppa. Just now though with all the events and activities this week, i need something quick to make ... and that's where this quick Malteser fudge comes in.

You'll Need
400g Milk Chocolate
1 (397g) Tin of Condensed Milk
1 (166g Share bag) Maltesers

To Make
Line your baking tin with grease-proof paper and set to one side. 

Break up the chocolate into a large microwave safe bowl and pour in the condensed milk. Mix and heat in the microwave for 30 seconds then mix. Repeat heating in 30 second blasts mixing in between. Mine took 1 minute 30 seconds total but it will depend on your microwave how long yours takes to totally melt.

Once melted add 2/3 of the bag of Maltesers and mix.

Pour into the lined tin and scatter the remaining Maltesers over the top lightly pressing them into the mix so they stick.

Place the tin the fridge to set. It will need at least 4 hours though overnight is better to be honest.

Once set, remove from the tin and remove the grease proof paper. Cut into small squares (you don't need to make them too big as they are quite sweet).

They can be stored in an airtight container in the fridge for up to 4 days (if they last that long) which makes them perfect to have for any unexpected guests.

Top 5 Family Christmas Films

During winter in Scotland you are pretty much guaranteed at least 80% of the time its going to be too cold/rainy/generally miserable to go outside. That's when watching a Christmas film comes into play. Along with a cosy blanket and a yummy hot chocolate, its a perfect night in in the crafty household.

So here are my top 5 family friendly Christmas films (in no particular order as they are all amazing in my eyes).

The Grinch - This live action take on the story by Dr Seuss is without fail one of the best Christmas films ever made! The story is about the Grinch who lives above Whoville, on top of Mount Crumpet. He absolutely detests Christmas and everything about it but when the who's who live in Whoville embarrass him (inadvertently) he decides to take matters into his own hands.

Its a great story about how we treat others that are different to us and how showing a little bit of kindness can make even the smallest of hearts grow 3 sizes (though not literally cause they would go into cardiac arrest and die - just an FYI).

The film is narrated by Sir Anthony Hopkins and the Grinch is played by the fantastically funny Jim Carrey. Also fun fact, Cindy-Lou is played by the totally cute Taylor Momsen, who grew up, discovered eyeliner and became a rock star.

My Sunday Photo - 3.12.17

One of the horrible draw backs to winter is the inevitable influx of bugs that make their way through. And no amounts of multi-vitamins or good bacteria is gonna save you. It turns out I’m the 1st in the house to get sick ... go figure.

Unfortunately being a parent, there is no such thing as a sick day. Where I would have loved to have lay in bed hoping I can keep my food down, instead I’m doing shopping, housework and cooking. Tonight being a stew as it's simple and I can just bung it all in a pot and leave it be. #Winning

Sausage and beef stew ... loaded with veg

But even when I’m feeling my worst, I would never give up being a mama. I love my little Agent more than anything. I'll just fall apart when he’s in bed like a normal person :) 

Making new traditions

I grew up in the 90's when the spice girls dominated the world and Blockbuster video was king. When we were younger Christmas was a BIG deal! I remember it being about family with the Christmas cake and jammies the night before Santa was due. In the morning we had to go wake mum and dad then had to wait patiently for the sound of the Christmas bells on the banister which signals Santa has indeed been. Even Christmas dinner I remember being with family. 

I also remember the day the jingle bells died. Standing on my Granny's front door step confronting my probably flustered mum for "lying to me" about the big man in the red suit.

I remember the tears as my whole magical world slammed it's doors in my face. That was me. I was evicted from my childhood almost. In one fell swoop my teeth were no longer a commodity, my chocolate eggs weren't dropped of by my bed by a giant bunny and the elves might as well have put me permanently on the naughty list for all the difference it made to me. The fairies were dead, the magic was gone ... and Christmas just became 'meh'.

When I had Agent M, I got to create the magic for myself. You almost get a second wind when you have your own kids. Like you can do all these magical things and you get to play along. I'm not gonna lie, going to see Santa in his grotto with Agent M made me goosebumpy as it flooded me with the memories if when my sister and I went to visit him. You don't actually realise how important all those little moments were till your older and seeing them through the eyes of your own babies.

You also don't realise how important they were to you till they are all gone. All over again.

The start of Blogmas 2017

As you've probably noticed. I've been a bit sporadic with my blogging recently.

It's been really hard trying to juggle home life, my store and my blog. I've always had so many ideas I want to cover but finding the time hasn't been easy.

I want to keep going though. I really love my blog and the neglect it's been enduring makes me feel sad. Like a tamagotchi that just beeps away in the bottom of a drawer.

Well no more and I've decided to use this year's Blogmas challenge as a way to throw myself in the deep end. Blogmas for those who don't know is a challenge to post and share every day from December 1st right up till the big day on the 25th. I'm hoping it will help me get my spark back and make me fall in love with blogging all over again.

So here's to the next 25 days ... here's hoping I have the stamina to keep up *gulp*