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My toxic relationship with food

I have a really toxic relationship with food and its got me to the point that I'm really unhappy with myself.

You see i comfort eat, which when you add depression into the mix, is a slippery shit chute to find yourself on.

If i got really stressed out or upset over something i would automatically reach for something to eat. If i had a horrible day at work, i would console myself with a bag of sweets or if i had a fight with my ex i would devour a packet of biscuits in one sitting. Almost as if eating would make it all better.

For a time it did make me feel better. For a while it was a quick fix for a low emotion. It was almost like a form of self harm in a way. When i was younger i did the cutting thing to distract myself but it left me open to public interference. After a while i got fed up having to hide the scars and deal with the stares or questions from family or my partner.

I swapped the cutting for smoking which was great for calming me down but when i decided i wanted to start a family i couldn't bring myself to puff away. What i took in, the baby would take in so i wanted to get healthy. Quitting smoking was easy for me because i had something to work towards. Don't get me wrong, i did crave many a cigarette but having lost two pregnancies before, there was no way in hell i was doing anything risky while trying to conceive and subsequently maintain the pregnancy.

After i had Agent M and the PND kicked in, All bets were off. I was sad and stressed so i ate. Yeah i was putting on weight but i didn't care. I had a baby to take care of, i had a house to run, i had a relationship to try and save (though that turned out to be the biggest drain on my mental health) and i was trying to keep my head above water. If i needed to drown my sorrows in a multi pack of crisps then that's what i did. I wasn't cutting or smoking so what was the harm?


Turns out i was doing some serious damage to myself. I went from a size 16 to (my biggest ever) size 24/26 ... and although I'm down to a size 22 now, I'm so discussed with myself that i really have to do something or else I'm going to be unhappy forever.

Its all came to a head recently when i stood and looked at myself in the mirror. I mean really looked at myself. i was horrified to see myself. If I'm honest I'm embarrassed that i have let myself go so much. I am amazed that Agent D isn't as repulsed my my size but whenever i mention my weight he gets really annoyed as if I'm insulting him. I'm not happy and i want to change.

I decided now is the time to really make a change as this summer my baby sister is getting married. I was so excited when she told me and so proud that she asked me to be her only bridesmaid, however it hit me like a tonne of bricks that I'm gonna be standing up next to my gorgeous little sister and I'm gonna look like a blimp. I don't want to look back on these photos and be humiliated and i don't want her to look at them and be embarrassed.

So what can i do?

Well short of a lobotomy to rewire my brain, I'm gonna have to work my ass off ... Quite literally.

I've been looking into different weight loss programmes like Slimming world and weight watchers but I'm not sure which is going to be the easiest to maintain long term and i have been trying to get more exercise daily, be it a work out DVD or by walking to college instead of getting the bus.


I'm hoping that I'll be able to get in better shape for the wedding in 14 weeks time ... Fingers Crossed!

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Super Busy MUm

Stop Motion Videos

For his 9th Birthday Agent M got a Stop Motion Animation kit from his Granny and since then he has been desperate to make little movies.

During the holiday i decided to set up my laptop for him and bless him he brought me down a little story board he had been working on. He told me that he was picturing it as his Lego Steve fighting off a Lego Zombie (all from his Minecraft sets).

I'm sorry but how cute is that!

Only thing is the 'subject matter' is a little more Tarantino than i would have wanted but i guess he'll find his niche on his own. Since its all done on my laptop i can keep an eye on his creations and as soon as i see 'Kill Steve Vol 1' pop up, I'll start to worry.


Anyway since he was so proud of the video i decided i would open up a YouTube channel and give him a folder on it. I was planning to start a channel with tutorials anyway, but I'm more than happy to share the space with him :)


I'm beyond proud of him ... And bless him he's already working on his next story board :)

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A Cornish Mum

From Fat to Fit

So I've started my "weight loss journey" and to be honest I'm petrified.

The reason being that I've decided to be brutally honest with you all about my "journey". *I really hate that phrase "weight loss journey" like I'm on my way to Rome or something.*

No I'm not on a happy journey ... I'm on a Fat to Fit journey ... and its gonna be tough.

You see according to the NHS website i am "Obese". I wouldn't have thought i was that bad but at 5'9 weighing 120kg (19st), I am in the dark orange ... dangerously close to the "Very Obese" column. *And don't think i didn't have a good cry over that*


According to this bloody chart of tears and self esteem destruction, i should be at the most 12 stones to be just in the "Healthy Weight" yellow. 

Honestly!

When i thought about setting myself a goal, getting in the yellow didn't feel realistic to me. It felt like I was setting myself up to fail so instead I'm gonna aim to get in the cusp of "Over Weight" at the apparently still unhealthy 13 stone. 

So here i am, 2 weeks into trying to lose 6 stone with a hopeful if heavy heart through a better diet and exercise.

Wish me luck!



Easy Tomato Soup

I love Tomato soup but for some reason the cans of soup have started to give me really bad heart burn so i decided to give making my own a try. There are many ways to make Tomato Soup but since i need to be quick these days i opted for using Passata instead of fresh on the vine tomatoes.


You'll Need
2 cartons 500g of Passata
1 medium Onion
1 large Carrot
1 Celery stick
2 tbsp Olive Oil
a good pinch of sugar
1 tsp Dried Basil
2 pints hot vegetable stock (Follow the insurrections on your stock cube pack)

To Make

Start by chopping the Onion, Carrot and Celery and heat the oil in a large pot.

Fry off the veg until its softened and only just starting to brown.

Pour in the Passata, add the dried basil and the sugar. Give it a good stir and let it bubble on medium for a few minutes. While this is cooking, dissolve the stock cubes in the boiling water.


Lastly add the vegetable stock and give it a good stir.


Cook for 30 minutes.

As there are chunks of vegetables in the soup you will need to ladle the soup into a blender and blitz till smooth. It will thicken up so don't panic. Serve right away or pour into containers for storage.


It can be kept in the fridge for 2 days or frozen for future lunch times :)


Its a delicious lunch for the whole family, that goes brilliantly with a freshly baked loaf of bread.



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Tasty Tuesdays on HonestMum.com

ethannevelyn
For The Love To
My Random Musings

Make it Monday #9

Hey lovely's ... welcome to my linky!

I'm not sure how long this linky will be around as not many people seem interested in joining but I'm gonna give it another try, at least for now in the hopes that its still early days.


This linky is for all you creative people out there to showcase your favourite craft or recipe posts.

If you made it, We'd like to see it :)

I've also set up a Make it Monday board on pinterest so I'll be adding your posts there for everyone to share.

Once it becomes a bit more established, i will start to have a featured make each week but since its early days i thought i would take it one step at a time.

The rules are simple ...
  • Link up maximum TWO posts - They can be old or new. Please don't just link up your blog home page.
  • Comment on the 'Host' post and at least 2 others, though more if you have the time. Its all about sharing the love here.
  • Add the "Make it Mondays" badge to your linked post so that others can find the linky and join in. 
Feel free to tweet your post(s) along with the hashtag #MIMlinky and mention @craftymama087 so i can retweet for you.
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My Sunday Photo - 24/4/16

I'm a very lucky girl folks.

Yesterday after his work Agent D came and got Agent M and myself and we went into town. I had to drop M off with his papa as he was spending the night and D wanted to go to the game shops to have a look. 

While we were in there i saw a lovely windows tablet that i really liked. Agent D clocked me looking at it and asked if i wanted it? He had been looking to get me a belated mothers day prezzie but i couldn't decide what i wanted (i'm not used to people just buying me things so i never know what to ask for). We had a look at the tablet and after googling the specs, he bought me it :)



Isn't she gorgeous? I'm not sure what i'll call her yet (as i'm the weirdo that names her important devices ... its only polite :)

Bridal Shower on a Budget

My little sister is getting married this summer.


That sounds so weird.


Getting over the initial squeak of excitement ... Then the next bout when she asked me to be her only bridesmaid ... I decided i HAD TO give her a special hen do/bridal shower thingy.

The only problem is my sister isn't really a "Hen Do" kinda girl. Plus the idea of providing my baby sister a platform on which to get paralytic (as is customary on a hen do) feels wrong some how. Yeah she's gonna be 25 this year but to me she'll forever be the 5 year old that needed her cuddly dalmatian teddy to keep away the vampires (my bad!).

A Bridal Shower is probably closer to what she would like ... Seeing as it could be anything really ... So after some discussion i have booked a posh hotel/manor in England for Afternoon Tea.

She's thrilled!!

But since this is the only thing i can really do for the wedding (since I'm 350+ miles away and not able to join in the planning *sad face*) i wanna make it AMAZING!

How I'm going to do this is a completely different matter.

I've booked a big posh hotel for an "Afternoon Tea" and I've been looking at what a Bridal shower should consist of ...

  • Games
  • Prezzies
  • Embarrassing stuff
  • Booze 
  • Gift bags
As the bridesmaid/maid of Honor/big sister of the bride, i feel like i wanna make this day as perfect as i can.

I'm excited to get it done ... just not sure where to start.



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ethannevelyn

Super Busy MUm

Make It Monday #8

Hey lovely's ... welcome to my linky!

I'm not sure how long this linky will be around as not many people seem interested in joining but I'm gonna give it another try, at least for now in the hopes that its still early days.


This linky is for all you creative people out there to showcase your favourite craft or recipe posts.

If you made it, We'd like to see it :)

I've also set up a Make it Monday board on pinterest so I'll be adding your posts there for everyone to share.

Once it becomes a bit more established, i will start to have a featured make each week but since its early days i thought i would take it one step at a time.

The rules are simple ...
  • Link up maximum TWO posts - They can be old or new. Please don't just link up your blog home page.
  • Comment on the 'Host' post and at least 2 others, though more if you have the time. Its all about sharing the love here.
  • Add the "Make it Mondays" badge to your linked post so that others can find the linky and join in. 
Feel free to tweet your post(s) along with the hashtag #MIMlinky and mention @craftymama087 so i can retweet for you.
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Make It Monday #7

Hey lovely's ... welcome to my linky!

I'm not sure how long this linky will be around as not many people seem interested in joining but I'm gonna give it another try, at least for now in the hopes that its still early days.


This linky is for all you creative people out there to showcase your favourite craft or recipe posts.

If you made it, We'd like to see it :)

I've also set up a Make it Monday board on pinterest so I'll be adding your posts there for everyone to share.

Once it becomes a bit more established, i will start to have a featured make each week but since its early days i thought i would take it one step at a time.

The rules are simple ...
  • Link up maximum TWO posts - They can be old or new. Please don't just link up your blog home page.
  • Comment on the 'Host' post and at least 2 others, though more if you have the time. Its all about sharing the love here.
  • Add the "Make it Mondays" badge to your linked post so that others can find the linky and join in. 
Feel free to tweet your post(s) along with the hashtag #MIMlinky and mention @craftymama087 so i can retweet for you.
grab button for Just a Crafty Mama
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My Sunday Photo

Its Sunday ... Is it Sunday? ... *checks calender* Yeah its Sunday.

Being on holiday from School and College throws me sometimes cause i think its one day and it turns out its the next.

But yeah its Sunday and today i picked Agent M up early from his papa's and surprised him with a trip to the cinema to see Kung Fu Panda 3.


It was a lovely little afternoon just the two of us. We took a walk over to Pets at Home afterwards to get Shabba more of his denta-sticks and Agent M decided to buy him a small chew toy with his own money.

He's such a wee gem. When i said to him he didn't have to buy Shabba a toy he turned to me and said "You didn't have to treat me today but you did" ... A wee pay it forward moment from my boy.

#ProudMama

Please stop justifying it

*Please note this post discusses Domestic Violence and my be a trigger to some*

This post is gonna be a little bit ranty so I apologise in advance but i feel it needs to be said.

Last night I was watching a programme with Agent D and in the the little girl was being picked on by a boy at school. The mum, a character portrayed as an independent police detective, gave her advice that actually made me feel sick to my stomach. "Him picking on you means he likes you".

I got angry and scared all at once as it brought back memories of a precious violent relationship I was in and how that pathetic excuse might end up leading that little girl into a similar relationship.

Yes I know that it's "just a TV show" but domestic violence isn't fiction. It's fact. And teaching kids that someone picking on you means they like you is a dangerous seed to plant. Yeah they may like them.
I'm sure my ex loved me when he was attacking me but it doesn't make it right. It is almost like you are justifying the violence. 'Oh its OK that he pulled your hair, it means he likes you'.

Where does that end?

'Oh it's OK that he gave you a black eye, that means he likes you'. 
'Oh it's OK that he cracked a rib, it means he likes you'. 
'Oh it's OK that he stabbed you, that means he really likes you'. 


What a load of w*nk.

A person who likes/loves you would never lift their hand (or foot) to you. A person who wants to spend the rest of their life with you should want to make your life as amazing as it can be, not make you feel so horrible about yourself that you want to die. Or make you feel like one day you will die at their hands.

Please, as someone who has lived it, don't tell your kids that being bullied means the person likes you. Wither it's true or not is irrelevant.

Teach your kids that their safety trumps the other person's need to dominate and control. Flowers and kisses are ways to show affection, Not black eyes and tears.

Teach them that no one has the right to make them feel less than or make them feel unsafe. Kind words and praise trump slagging someone off to break their confidence.

So many people are victims of domestic violence and have no way of getting out. So many people feel embarrassed or ashamed to admit that they need help and stupid comments like that definitely don't help!

Teach them that the victim is not to blame.
Teach them that bulling (male or female is wrong).
Teach them that they and their feelings matter.



Please.

Need Help?
-Women & Childrens Refuge
- Victim Support Scotland
- Mens Advice Line
- National Center for Domestic Abuse


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And then the fun began...

#Project366 - March

Another month gone and another #Project366/FMS Photo Challenge completed. Some of the prompts i struggled with this month but at least i made it (even if its a bit interpretative)



If you want to join in, the prompts i use are by @FatMumSlim which are released at the end of the previous month. April's prompts are below too :)


Remember if your also doing a #Project366, leave a link below to your page so i can come and say hi