I have my tree up and I've been singing those bloody songs that will be struck in my head till July. I have been watching the Christmas movies and I've been planning out the Christmas dinner. I've spent a small fortune on prezzies (more than I really should have). Hell I've even bought the dog some Christmas outfits to try and make it all fun.
But it's just not coming to me.
Blogging every day isn't the problem, but finding the will to do all these Christmas themed posts when you're not feeling "Christmas-y" isn't easy. I'm just not in a festive place.
I've been signed off college till the new year and to be honest it's giving me mixed emotions. I'm going to be really far behind when we go back after the new year, if I can even catch up and at this moment in time, I don't know if it's even possible to go back.
This dark period of mine is lasting quite a while and although I am getting help from the GP and have been referred to a therapist, I just like I wanna cry all the time. Mixed with the strong meds the Dr has me on for the pain in arm (which make me so tired), I'm of little use to anyone ... let alone the holly jolly let's get festive shite that is apparently expected because I am a parent.
Yeah I can fake it.
And I do ...
For Agent M.
He's the only one that could be convinced I am excited about Christmas and to be honest he's the only one that I care believes.
"Awe you should be excited" ... why? Cause you are?
Trust me, I'd love to be able to get my jingle bells in a bunch and yeah I'm glad your shitting candy canes round your house but I just can't get there and that's OK.
I'll do everything that I can to make this Christmas great for my little Agent but over that, I'm just too tired and numb to make believe for everyone else.
